


a man’s worth part two (the seduction of joel madden)

by thunderylee



Series: a man's worth [2]
Category: Good Charlotte
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, M/M, POV First Person, Pre-Slash, Religious Themes, Twincest, light dubcon & hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-07
Updated: 2006-03-07
Packaged: 2019-02-08 01:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12853443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Benji finds out the real reason behind Joel’s disapproval of his activities.





	a man’s worth part two (the seduction of joel madden)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

Joel immediately darts his eyes away from mine and begins to examine the atrocious couch in the tiny living room area of our bus. He cringes, as though my actions cause him actual physical pain. I watch him reach up with both hands to rub at his eyes and heave the sigh of a thousand men as he throws himself down on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” I say weakly.

Shaking his head, he glances up at me with red-tinted eyes. “Aren’t you wondering why I’m back so early?”

Honestly, the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. “No,” I reply. “I’m glad for it, though.”

“At least one of us is.”

I eye him suspiciously as I carefully close the distance between us and kneel by his side. “What happened?”

“She fucking dumped me is what happened.” A choked sob escapes from his throat and he clears it immediately like I wouldn’t notice. I pretend not to and continue looking up at him as he focuses his gaze on something nonexistent across the room.

Inwardly, though, I’m doing cartwheels. This means I have my twin back. No more sharing him with the snotty little pop princess. I’m not about to tell him that, so I frown sympathetically and pat his knee. He instantly grabs my hand and squeezes hard.

“She said she was too young to be in a serious relationship,” he says in a voice barely above a whisper. “She said I deserve someone my own age, someone who would be more devoted to me.”

For the first time in my life, I agree with Hilary Duff. I’m tempted to mark down the date and time, but I do neither.

“And if that wasn’t bad enough…” He sniffs, swallowing another sob like it pains him to do so. “… then I come back and see my fucking _brother_ about to take it from M fucking Shadows. I know it’s stupid, but I thought I lost both of you in one night.”

“That _is_ stupid,” I say bluntly. “Even if I did want to be with him, there is no way that you would lose me. Blood is thicker than water, or something.”

A hint of a smile creeps across Joel’s lips as he catches onto my double entendre. “Well, I got to thinking about all of the times Hil and I have gone off to do shit and haven’t included you, and in addition to feeling like a complete tool, I realized that you would probably do the same thing. It’s part of being in a relationship, you know.”

“Nah,” I contest. “I’d include you. But if it really was Shadows, I’d doubt you’d want to be included.”

Joel lets out a strained laugh. “I hate that bastard with every fiber of my being.”

“Yeah, I know.” I grin. “We should go kick his ass on principle.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he says, smiling bigger at the thought. “I was ready to kill him when I saw him about to…”

“Yeah,” I say quickly, cringing at the memory. “I don’t know why I agreed to it. I guess he just seemed to like me and it’s been awhile since I’ve had someone pay attention to me like that… and I was feeling kind of lonely, you know, without you here.”

Finally looking at me, he squeezes my hand again. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a tool.”

“It’s okay,” I reply dismissively. “You’ve always been a tool. I’m used to it.”

“I’m more pissed than anything,” he says suddenly, narrowing his eyebrows. “At Hilary, I mean. Who does she think she is, anyways? I mean, _look at me_. Who wouldn’t want this?”

I burst out laughing, in danger of losing my balance and falling to the floor. “That’s right, Joel, keep telling yourself that.”

“Hey, asshole, we’re identical. If I’m hot shit, then so are you.”

“The hottest,” I add.

“Girl has to be crazy.”

“Fucked up in the head.”

“Yeah. Stupid bitch.”

Joel’s laughter joins mine and we barely hear a call from behind the curtain separating the living room from our bunks. “You’re both God’s gift to all of humankind, and select animals. Now will you please shut the fuck up so I can sleep?”

Joel claps his hands over his mouth and has this guilty look on his face like we just got caught staying up too late by our mom. It’s enough to give me the giggles, and soon we are unsuccessfully trying to withhold our amusement and going red-faced from the effort.

“Sorry, Billy,” we reply in unison, which somehow causes us to crack up again.

“Go outside or something,” he calls back, his voice groggy from having been woken up. “And Benji, if you’re going to insist on speaking fag, you might want to raise your standards a bit. That man has more dick than you can handle.”

“How the fuck do _you_ know?” Paul calls out.

Billy snorts. “Your mom told me.”

“This is our cue to leave,” I whisper to Joel, just before Paul retorts, “Don’t make me roll out of this bunk and kick your ass, emo kid.”

“I’d like to see your fat ass try,” Billy replies in a bored tone as Joel and I sneak out through the door.

Once outside, I trip down the steps and accidentally-on-purpose pull Joel down with me. We both end up sprawled on our backs on the grass a few feet away from the bus, still clutching hands.

“Remind me again why we don’t do these outdoor venues as much anymore?” Joel asks with a trace of laughter remaining in his voice.

“Because we’re _big time_ now,” I answer, rolling my eyes.

“Remember how we used to be just like this after shows?”

I smile thoughtfully. “I was actually thinking about that earlier, before… yeah.”

Joel immediately turns over on his side to face me. “I knew it had something to do with me. Dammit, Benj, if I hadn’t left, it wouldn’t have happened, would it?”

“Probably not,” I tell him honestly. “But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. We have been kind of detached lately, not just because of her.”

“Well, yeah, and it’s not like you want to do that kind of stuff with me anyways.” He makes a face. “Maybe we should swear off girlfriends for awhile. And boyfriends,” he adds with a smirk.

“Sounds good to me,” I say.

“Quality Benji-and-Joel time. Starting now.”

“Yes. We’re long overdue.”

“So what do you wanna do?”

I look up at the sky. “Relocate somewhere where I don’t have to squint through trees to see the sky.”

“‘Kay.” Joel hops to his feet and pulls me up, which is a rather impressive feat since I’ve gained some weight lately. We walk hand-in-hand to a clearing a good distance away from the array of buses. Some people might think it odd that we still hold hands, making gay incest jokes or whatever, but it’s something we’ve always done and continue to do when nobody is watching. I think it takes us back to when we were little kids and Mom made us hold hands wherever we went (“You don’t want to lose each other, do you?”), and it only takes that small bit of physical contact to reestablish the closeness of being twins.

There are no more trees to block our view of the stars, and we sigh simultaneously as we lay side-by-side on the grass and fix our gazes skyward.

I am completely content. I couldn’t be happier right now than if several Playboy Playmates waltzed into the clearing and started dancing on my face. When it comes down to it, my brother is what makes it all worth it – the band, the fame, the money, _everything_. Our fans could suddenly turn against us and we could go broke, but it wouldn’t matter as long as Joel and I are still together. When we first started out, we were sitting around joking about what would happen if one of us got arrested for the stupid shit we used to pull back then.

“If you got arrested,” Joel said, “I’d do something to get arrested too. A true friend will be sitting there with you saying ‘we sure fucked up’, right?”

“Yeah, but only a _brother_ would deliberately go out and break the law in order to join his twin in the slammer,” I added.

“And of course,” he went on, “I’d have to be there to protect your sweet virgin ass.”

“What’s so funny?” Joel says now, raising an eyebrow.

I didn’t even realize I was laughing out loud. “Just thinking about that time you said you’d go out and get arrested if I ever went to jail.”

He laughs quietly. “I remember that. Something about saving your ass – literally. Goes to show how much I knew.”

“Are you still bitter about that?” I ask incredulously. “That was like a million years ago, and you knew about it before it happened.”

“That doesn’t mean I had to approve,” he says, his mouth in a straight line.

“You’re never going to approve of anyone I date, male or female,” I declare.

“You’re right.”

I chuckle and look up into the darkness. I can’t put a finger on it, but something he said tonight is eating at me. It has nothing to do with Hilary or Shadows or anyone else; we’ve always disliked whomever the other chose to date. Something was different between us, though; there was this cloud of tension surrounding us, and I can’t for the life of me figure out –

_“It’s not like you want to do that kind of stuff with me anyways.”_

I almost sit straight up. My eyes are wide, and there’s no way that Joel can see that in the dark of the night. I try not to let my sudden realization make itself known through our laced fingers, but I’m pretty sure I froze at the initial thought.

Why would he say that? He’s my _twin brother_. Of course I wouldn’t want to… unless he thought I did? What kind of sick freak wants to fuck around with his own brother? That can’t be right, though, or he would have gotten all weird when I didn’t offer any assurance. Instead, he brought up my old boyfriend and admitted that he would never approve of anyone I date…

… because _he_ wants to. Oh, my God.

“Benj?” His voice pierces through my thoughts. “Something on your mind?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly, searching my brain for the right words. “Have you ever thought about it?”

“Thought about what? Doing guys?” He snorts. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think I trust anyone enough to let them take away my last piece of innocence.”

“Funny you put it that way,” I mumble.

He turns to face me, looking offended. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“How long have you been thinking about it, Joel?” I demand sternly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Benj.”

I look over at him, and I’ll be damned if his eyes aren’t betraying him. He has this blank look plastered on his face, but his eyes are as wide as a deer in headlights. He has always had this problem with wearing his heart on his sleeve, causing him to be labeled as ‘the emo twin’ in recent years. It doesn’t help that he’s _my_ twin and I can see right through his bullshit by default.

“How long,” I repeat, my voice breaking.

“How long _what_?” He pretends to be irritated.

“You know damn well _what_!” I try to calm down, knowing that yelling at him isn’t the best way to deal with this delicate situation. “How long have you been thinking about _me_?”

He pauses and I can almost see the possible excuses swimming around in his brain. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says again. “I think about you all the time. You’re my _brother_. Is there suddenly something wrong with that?”

“How do you think about me?” I persist. “Why do you find a problem with everyone I date? Why the _fuck_ did you make a comment about _doing stuff_ with me?”

“I didn’t -” he starts.

“The hell you didn’t.” My temper is taking me over, and I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well. “‘It’s not like you want to do that kind of stuff with me anyways.'”

“Well you don’t, do you?” He has no idea how hopeful he looks.

“You tell me, Joel.” I sit up straight and hover over him. “Admit it. You don’t approve of anyone I date because you’re fucking _jealous_ of them.”

“That’s preposterous.” Joel always uses big words when he’s caught in a lie.

“Is it?” I lean closer, and he shrinks away much like someone who has been backed into a corner. Only we’re not in a corner; he has plenty of room to crawl out from under me and run away.

He doesn’t move.

“How long, Joel?” I say again as quietly as possible. My face is inches away from his, and it would hardly take any effort to close the distance and kiss him.

To prove a point, of course.

“Benji.”

There are many ways in which one can speak another’s name that could mean many different things. There is no doubt in my mind into which category this instance falls, whether it was Joel’s actual intent or not. In fact, I’m berating myself for not realizing it sooner. If my own twin brother is in love with me, I should be the first to know, right?

So I kiss him. Nothing serious, just a quick peck on the lips to let him know where I stand, even if I’m not quite sure myself.

“Benji,” he says again. “We can’t… It’s wrong. No matter how I may feel… God is watching. We can’t -”

“Shut up,” I say, leaning in to kiss him again. This time I let my lips linger, brushing lightly against his. It’s obvious that I’m not going to let up until he reciprocates. I can be quite stubborn like that. Once he gives in and admits defeat, I’ll leave him be. Then it’s up to him to decide what will happen next. It’s always been that way between us, albeit never in this sort of a predicament.

I feel him sigh against me and mumble under his breath, “Forgive me, Father,” before raising his head up and kissing me back. I’m taken aback by the sheer _innocence_ of it; I don’t think I’ve ever shared a kiss with anybody – male or female – who didn’t immediately stick their tongue down my throat, followed by groping and grinding.

Then again, this is _Joel_. My brother; my _twin_. The man with whom I shared a womb and damn near every minute thereafter.

Forgive me, Father.

I stretch out my arm to lie on my side, guiding him closer to me. Our legs intertwine together as he wraps his arms around me and angles his head. I fall into his embrace, placing my free hand on the back of his neck. Our kisses are still soft and gentle, our lips connecting over and over again with an occasional tilt of the head. He tightens his hold on me so that our bodies are flush together, and I can feel how much he wants this. How much he wants _me_.

“Are you sure?” he whispers against my lips, seeming to sense my hesitation.

“I trust you,” I reply without opening my eyes. “I just want to know… what do you want from me?”

“More,” he says decisively. “I want more. I want it all.”

I’m about to respond with something equally as profound (like “‘kay”), but I feel his tongue flick one of my lip piercings and my brain flies out of my ear. I let out this low growl and the next thing I know, I’m on my back with Joel halfway on top of me. I push the tip of my tongue past my slightly parted lips so that he’ll graze it with his as he works his way back and forth between my piercings. When this finally happens, a shudder runs through his entire body strong enough to make me feel it as well. Even then, he doesn’t immediately deepen the kiss; he seems perfectly content with just touching the tips of our tongues together over and over again.

It’s not until I realize that he’s breathing heavily through his nose and moaning in the back of his throat that it occurs to me exactly _what_ I’m doing, with whom, and _where_.

“Joel,” I whisper heatedly.

“Yeah?”

“What if someone catches us?”

“Benji?”

“Yeah?”

“You worry too much.”

With that, I’m silenced once again by his mouth. I’m about to protest when I feel a fat drop of water on my forehead. Thinking that Joel is so worked up that he’s started to sweat, I peek open an eye and am immediately hit in the eyeball with another drop.

Joel buries his face into my shoulder and laughs as the rain starts falling down more determinedly.

“Looks like God is on our side after all,” he says against my neck.

“How do you figure? Rain isn’t a good sign.”

“Yeah, but at least nobody else will be outside.”

He has a point. I don’t give it a second thought, mostly because he’s started kissing my neck. The contrast between his hot mouth and the cold rain is enough to make me groan out loud.

“Mmm, Benji,” he moans, working his way up to my ear. He sucks my earlobe into his mouth as one of his hands slides up the side of my drenched shirt. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes, yeah?”

I groan again and lift my arms in order for him to slide the garment over my head. He tosses it carelessly to the side and I repeat the procedure on him. The rain pounds on my face as he lowers his head to press his lips to my chest, running his tongue up and down the center before swirling around my nipples.

“Goddamn tease,” I mutter.

“God totally heard that, you know,” he says derisively.

I scoff. “Well if I’m going to Hell, you’ll be right there with me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I arch my back and moan _loud_ as he finally makes contact with my nipple, flicking the barbell with his tongue. One of his hands is trailing along my waistline, right above where my boxers peek out of my jeans. His fingers are about to dip under the waistband when I reach out my hand and stop him.

Stop him? Am I insane?

Unfortunately, I’ve been cursed with logical thinking, and logical thinking tells me that there is no way I will be able to put on a pair of soaking wet jeans after they’ve been removed. Besides, it’s really pouring now. Puddles of water are starting to form around my head and feet, and as much as I want to do this, as fucking _sexy_ as Joel looks with rain dripping from his hair and bare chest, I don’t really care for making the expression ‘drowning in love’ a reality.

I don’t have to tell him any of this; he simply laces his fingers through mine and shifts himself off of me with this drunken smile on his face.

Wordlessly, we grab our shirts from the ground and make our way back to the bus, jogging as the thunder rolls in. His hand tightens on mine and I remember that although he would never admit it, Joel is scared to death of thunder. When we were little, he would crawl into my bed at the first sign of a storm. He hasn’t done that in awhile, but I have a feeling I’m not going to be alone in my bunk tonight. Or any other night.

And I’m okay with that.


End file.
